Good friend 🚫 Girlfriend

Date 27th

Take note!

"Being a good friend 

doesn't make you

a good girlfriend"

And there are those time when..

Me: I'm an observant!

Him: No you're not.

Me: Yes and more than you.

Him: No because..

Hearing those words

and looking at those wet eyes..

I felt shaken inside, like a trumpet playing close to your ear that gives you an instant heart attack and after a momentary deafness..

"You don't know what's happening to me, you can't see what I need, you can't understand why I give you those cuddles..I have my needs too"

I didn't realize that you were broken inside and you needed me..I thought you were fine..I thought you were just bc studying..but I was wrong..I took care of everything..of everyone but not of you..

I just realize how I was concentrated to help everyone but I forgot to love you..You, the most important thing of my daily life..How much pain have you felt..

We are what we are ❤️

People will just judge you anyway

Why bother?

Wherever you go,

stop looking behind

there's a long way

in front of you.

If I was you I would prefer

being judged when I walk

than fall to the ground

or crash into a pole or a person

Stop comparing yourself

with others it does not lead you

somewhere or to something

The important is to be always true

with yourself and with others,

don't fake those smiles

or hide because you think

you're not enough.

Who are you to say that?

Remember we are superficially different 

but same as human being.

I would prefer to listen you

comparing yourself with food or stuff

rather than with other people.

You don't know their story

and neither they know yours.

Live your life with your head

held high and smile always

Don't pay attention to them

and don't waste your time

to talk them back,

it isn't worth it.

Spread love and happiness.

It will hurt them the most.

Be happy with who you are

and remember be always

understandable and down to earth.

It will give you more happiness

and most of all a light heart to carry on. 

Those words

Just wanna throw away

and let it all go,

but deep inside I know

that is not me.

It's hard to find

someone to lean on,

someone to talk

without hiding particulars

feeling prisoner

of your own feelings.

Want to be hold all the time

and don't be afraid of after.

There will be always

an other day to try but

where can I find the strength

to use everytime I need?

I wanna hear those words:

"I'm proud of you"

Emptiness

I wanna understand
this emptiness I'm feeling.
The world is too loud
I wanna be alone
just me and my instinct
maybe somehow
I will see through
this unconscious feeling.
No more words
I wanna hear
just the gentle silence
like the fresh wind of spring

that sensation of freedom
that I'll never be able to reach,
it's unconditionally comfortable
but once it stops

it seems to fall in an infinite hole
and I start to dream again and again.
But this emptiness won't disappear
and answers there's no one..

Unreal

I can't understand this feeling..

I'm not confused but it seems

that someone (in another world),

wants to challenge me.

It's not the first time,

actually it's the third or fourth time

I think..

It's strange how this

kind of feeling can make

you paralyze and shocked..

I don't know if you already

felt this way, because if you did

then please let me know..

Too perfect

Tell me why I'm so confused

You are everything for me

But sometimes I want to escape

It seems too perfect

or too unreal

What we built together

I keep asking myself

if there's something wrong

but it's so clear

Our relationship has no hole

It's full of colors and

we've been together for long..

Tell me why I'm so confused

It seems too perfect

and too unreal

But I like it.

Fulfill you beh

Day by day I love you more

No one can stop this feeling

I hurt you before but now

I'm keeping you tightly

by my side

I'm not what you really

wished to have

but I'm trying to fulfill

the emptiness

I'm not sweet

I'm a cold person

but it doesn't mean

that i don't have

feelings for you

Resist you

How could i resist you

Whatever you do it's awesome

In my eyes you're everything

I may sound pathetic

but just holding your hand

I feel much better

I want to be understood

Since I was in high school I was called "the mature one", it was a pleasure and sometimes it was something to be proud.

When I grew up I tried to find someone like me or someone to share with this maturity. Maybe I found it but unreasonably I couldn't chat with that person so I tried to find someone else.

I'm still searching..

I want to find him/her as soon as possible because I'm tired of being always understanding. I want to be understood too!

Habit

When time passes unconsciously is obvious that people change. Personally you do not notice it so you blame others.

It hurts when you realize that what you were used to do before now it hasn't the same reaction or participation of before.

I'm upset not with others but with myself. Even if I know that it's not like before I'm still doing the same thing, as the cicada which continues to play despite the change of season, and then I end in tears in the middle of the night.